if i held my breath and ceased to breathe

If I Held My Breath and Ceased to Breathe

If I held my breath and ceased to breathe
Would you notice that my body lay motionless beneath you
If you could feel the darkness
Would you stay wrapped up in my mind
And see the night the sky fell in
And my soul shattered like a broken mirror
Whose pieces always end up protruding from my wrists
To write the legacy of blood my mother left me
Mamma did you always know
Did you ever know the sunshine without rain
And fog without darkness
And darkness without pain
Mamma have you ever slept on your own
Or breathed without smoke
Have you ever danced without the flames caressing your face
And engulfing your soul?
Mamma did you ever see me?
Mamma did you mean to leave me?
Has the darkness always spoken for you
With many voices as many waters
Wash the blood away in beautiful sanguine rivers
Waltzing down the rusted pipes
If he said he didn’t love you
Was it what you expected, my soul?
Where have all the pieces gone?
Tiny, intricate jigsaw of smoke and fire
Breathe the darkness and hear it call your name
If I held my breath and ceased to breathe
Would you notice the way the sky changed
From black to red
And yellow again to blue
As my spirit soared among the stars
Behind my mind
And wrapped up in the arms that never held me.